Not My Finest Parenting Moments

Clara,

While I totally get that I am not perfect, today was a terrible parenting day. We had a gorgeous day at a playdate and swim time. You finger painted, painted with a brush, and texture painted. You had a ball. Green seemed to be your favorite color of the day even though you called it yellow. After we painted we washed your hands and followed by a little dip in the pool. The pool was one foot deep. You loved it. You were free to roam about in the pool and me and another adult were in there keeping a watch over all of the kiddies in the pool making sure that everyone was safe. As I turned my head to respond to one of the parents and you were playing in the water near the edge of the pool you decided it was your moment to try to swim independently. I looked down and there you were face and belly in the water. From my perception it looked like the dead mans float but thinking back you were clearly standing up and bent over. My life flashed before my eyes as I grabbed you up out of the water and sat you on the side of the pool. Your little brown eyes stared back at my like I was the craziest mother in the whole world. Afterward, you proceeded to run around the pool resuming normal toddler activities. 

After we got home, I noticed you pulling your stomach muscles like you were belly breathing. I immediately got you down from your high chair and called the advice nurse at the pediatricians office. She reassured me that you probably were holding your breath if you didn't cough when I got you out. So, this led to my obsessive research on secondary drowning as well as consulting my paramedic friend, my doctor friend, my nurse friend and my other mommy friend. They all encouraged me to know that you will make it and so far you have.

This leads me to my next terrible parenting moment: You hadn't had a good nap today so I decided to put you down for bed early. I do your usual routine and come out to start my computer time. Within five minutes, and every five minutes after, I found you climbing on your dresser trying to play with your white noise machine. I continued to put you back to bed and finally used my, "I am really irritated with you" voice. You cried. I never take that tone with you. You were really tired and cried. I wish I was able to keep my cool and be more nurturing. Momma is sorry. 

I take my job as your mommy seriously. When I know I messed up, sometimes it keeps me up at night. While I accept that I am not a perfect person or parent I know that it is easier to create an awesome kid that fix a messed up adult. I pray that God gives me the tools necessary to instill in you the skills to be an instrument for Him. Everyday I have to confess my mess ups and decide to do better tomorrow. One day you will be a mommy and appreciate this but I know that this little moment is something that I probably wont remember but I am so glad that I can write it down to have for you later.

Love you
Mommy